2020届全国新高考山东卷英语专题-读后续写作文写作指导及评分解析教案

2020全国新高考英语山东卷读后续写作文写作指导及评分解析

2020年全国新高考英语卷（山东卷）采用了“无划线词”要求的“读后续写”题型，该题型通过阅读与写作相结合的方式，考察了学生的文本解读能力、思维创新能力、及书面表达能力，是一种综合语言运用能力考查的题型。

【真题再现】

第二节（满分25分）

阅读下面材料，根据其内容和所给段落开头语续写两段，使之构成一篇完整的短文。

The Meredith family lived in a small community. As the economy was in decline, some people in the town had lost their jobs. Many of their families were struggling to make ends meet. People were trying to help each other meet the challenges.

Mrs. Meredith was a most kind and thoughtful woman. She spent a great deal of time visiting the poor. She knew they had problems, and they needed all kinds of help. When she had time, she would bring food and medicine to them.

One morning she told her children about a family she had visited the day before. There was a man sick in bed, his wife, who took care of him and could not go out to work, and their little boy. The little boy — his name was Bernard — had interested her very much.

“I wish you could see him,” she said to her own children, John, Harry, and Clara. “He is such a help to his mother. He wants very much to earn some money, but I don’t see what he can do.”

After their mer left the room, the children sat thinking about Bernard. “I wish we could help him to earn money.” said Clara. “His family is suffering so much.”

“So do I,” said Harry. “We really should do something to assist them.”

For some moments, John said nothing, but, suddenly, he sprang to his feet and cried, “I have a great idea! I have a solution that we can all help accomplish.”

The other children also jumped up all attention. When John had an idea, it was sure to be a good one. “I tell you what we can do,” said John. “You know that big box of corn Uncle John sent us？Well, we can make popcorn, and put it into paper bags, and Bernard can take it around to the houses and sell it.”

注意：1.续写词数应为150左右；

2.请按如下格式在答题卡的相应位置作答。

When Mrs. Meredith heard of John’s idea, she thought it was a good one, too.

With everything ready, Bernard started out on his new business.

一、试题分析

    全国新高考卷读后续写的文本选自图书《Cinderella: Or The Little Glass Slipper and Other Stories》。

材料文本结构简洁清晰、主题明确，主题贴近学生生活，依据Flesh Reading Ease指数，文本的易读度为85.7（2020年浙江卷读后续写文本的易读度为82.4），综合来看，文本阅读理解难度较低，学生阅读时不会存在话题隔阂及理解障碍。

1. 文本解读

精准理解所给文本是读后续写的基础，考生应该在细读文本的过程中，梳理关键信息，弄清楚文章的主旨情节、发展线索、语言风格、感情基调等，为写作打下基础。

（1）细节解读

精准把握文本细节，对提高续写的融洽度十分重要。续写前要弄清文本中的重要细节，如故事发生的社会背景：经济衰退、社区居民生活困难、人们在生活上相互扶持；文章时态：从篇首句可以看出文章采用了过去时态；人物特点：Mrs. Meredith具有乐于助人的性格；事件起因：Mrs. Meredith向孩子们讲述了Bernard一家的情况及对Bernard一家进行帮助的想法；事件发展：孩子们对Bernard一家进行帮助的具体想法——“我们”制作爆米花，帮助Bernard销售等。

（2）续写段首句解读

续写部分的段首句非常重要，除了起到承上启下的作用，它往往还具有限定续写内容的功能。第一段的段首句限定了段中情节应当围绕孩子们如何做好各项准备工作展开；第二段的段首句也对该段内容作出了明确的限定，即续写Bernard“started out on his new business”的过程与结果。

2. 情节构思

情节构思能力考验了考生的想象力与创造力，该能力的高低决定着续写内容品质的高低，体现着考生对正确写作方向把控能力的高低。没有精妙的情节构思，词藻再华丽，也很难取得高分。在构思续写内容时，要注意以下四个方面的衔接：续写内容与前文的逻辑衔接；续写内容与所给段首句的衔接；第一段与第二段的衔接；续写段落内容之间的衔接。

本题属于“问题解决型”续写，即材料文本设立了一个“问题”，而把“解决问题”的方法和过程作为情节构思的核心。

作为具有一定开放性的续写题目，学生可以从多个角度处理情节的高潮及结局。但由于续写部分段首语的限定，这种情节上的开放性并非任意的，学生必须在构思情节时做出选择。以下试举两例：

·角度1：将情节的高潮放在第一段中。可着重描写孩子们如何想方设法帮助Bernard弄到爆米花机、如何克服困难学习制作爆米花等情节，通过动作、语言等描写，来体现孩子们热心、聪明、能干的特点，从而在续写第二段中，通过描写Bernard的爆米花被一抢而空，孩子们非常欣慰等情节，将文章结局的主题处理为“孩子们年纪虽小，但帮助他人时的智慧、热情、能力等，一点也不比大人差”或“孩子们同样可以为邻里友善、互帮互助作出巨大贡献”等。

·角度2：将情节的高潮放在第二段中。可着重描写孩子们如何帮助Bernard销售爆米花，通过语言、心理等描写，来体现孩子们热心、勤劳、勇于面对挑战的特点。此处可设置一些在销售过程中“遇到困难—解决困难—达到目的”的情节，来表现孩子们通过帮助他人获得了成长，或突出彼此之间的情谊羁绊，将文章结局的主题处理为“事在人为”“远亲不如近邻”或“与人玫瑰，手留余香”等。

另外，无论情节侧重如何，续写文章都需要有一个好的结尾。这种结尾可以是情节自然推动带来的结尾，比如可以用Mrs. Meredith的鼓励或者Bernard的感谢与作为结尾，或者孩子们“相视一笑，感受到助人为乐的喜悦/邻里之情的温暖”等等作为结尾。同样地，我们也可以采用点题或议论升华的方式结尾，比如可以感叹“助人为乐不分年龄，重点在于去做”或者“给予是快乐的”等等。但无论采用哪种形式结尾，重点都在于结尾应与主题相呼应，从而使续写内容和文本材料达成主题上的一致。

上述内容既是读后续写试题的分析方法，同时也是读后续的写作技巧，希望能给老师和同学们带来启发与帮助。

二、阅卷评分

读后续写的评分标准从内容的丰富性、应用语法结构和词汇的丰富性和准确性、故事发展的合理性和上下文的连贯性等对考生的写作进行评价。要取得高分，还应该注意文章立意应当积极向上，语言上有一定的出彩之处等。

在评分过程中，由于评分标准的量化程度不够，把握评分标准的难度大，加上阅卷人对学生续写内容的理解和判断各不相同，打出的分数往往有所差异。下面尝试对两篇习作进行点评与打分：

习作1：

When Mrs. Meredith heard of John’s idea, she thought it was a good one, too. Then she asked her resourceful children, “What else should we prepare?” “A popcorn machine, apparently!” “We will have to buy some paper bags!” Clara and Harry gabbled delightedly. “I will get them ready,” Mrs. Meredith, nodding with contentment, added, “but remember that selling popcorn only once will not suffice to help Bernard out, and I’m afraid Bernard alone cannot deal with all the stuff.” Three children, warm-hearted just like their mother, shouted in one voice, “We got it!”

With everything ready, Bernard started out on his new business. Three passionate partners helping along, things became smooth and joyful. Though in an economically challenged atmosphere, the neighborhood, cheered by this rarely seen vigor of youth, bought popcorn one after another to enjoy this rarely eaten snack. For weeks, quiet streets turned into hustle and bustle, as long as the children paraded with their magical popcorn. In the meantime, the successful business also pulled Bernard’s family through. The Meredith family’s love, through the sweet aroma of popcorn, floated all around the community.

点评：

·衔接度高 第一段采用问答的方式展开续写，符合文本对话要素较多的叙述风格；以母亲作为引导者，符合文本中母亲乐于助人善于思考的形象。第二段中“though in an economically challenged atmosphere”与文本中介绍的背景呼应；续写内容与段落开头语衔接程度高，两段之间也注意了衔接。

·内容丰富 第一段描写了全家共同参与，出谋划策，做好各项准备工作的情节，工作方案缜密、周全。第二段生动描写了顺利成功销售爆米花的场景，成功帮助 Bernard一家摆脱困境。结尾处化抽象为形象，将Meredith一家人蕴含的友爱具体化为“飘散的味道”，点明了主题。

·语言丰富 运用了很多高级句式来进写作，如第二段的第一句是一个独立主格结构，既简洁地交代了贩卖的场景，也呼应了前文的伏笔。文中使用了“gabble”等具体的下意词，生动呈现了孩子天性活泼、积极参与的状态。“quiet streets turned into hustle and bustle”夸张表现了卖爆米花的火热场景，凸显出办法的成功。

·结构紧凑 文中使用了“then”表承接，“though”引导让步状语，“as long as”引导条件状语等。通过这些词汇衔接手段，使短文在语义流畅的同时，结构显得紧凑。

    依据评分标准，该习作可以评为第五档（21-25分），判为22分（未将书写分等纳入评分范围）。

习作2：

When Mrs. Meredith heard of John’s idea, she thought it was a good one, too. Once again, she was amazed by how resourceful her children could be. “Good,” said Mrs. Meredith, “then we only have to get a popcorn machine and a handcart.” “I know, I know.” Harry jumped, “Mark’s  family has a popcorn machine,. Maybe we can borrow one.” Hearing her brothers’ words, Clara scratched her head. Raising her hand, she exclaimed, “The ice-cream granny! We can borrow a handcart from her.” Feeling proud, Mrs. Meredith gave them a hug.  

With everything ready, Bernard started out on his new business. From door to door, he sold popcorn in the community and almost everyone was moved and would buy some from the little boy. Although he could not earn much in the beginning, the honest Bernard would still share his income with these who had helped him. Gradually, more and more people joined the project and now Bernard could sell more around the city now. It was love that helped the poor boy and love from this boy in return that made the community more harmonious.

点评：

该习作与所给短文融洽度较高，语法结构丰富、用词精确，如首段对话部分“jump”“scratch”“exclaim”等动词的生动描写了孩子们兴奋热情、乐于助人的形象，展现出Meredith一家热烈讨论、集思广益的场景。第二段中“from door to door”寥寥几笔形象地将孩子们挨家挨户卖爆米花的场景展现在读者眼前。该续写有效地使用了语句间的连接成分，如第二段中“although”和“gradually”的使用使文段连续性强。该续写使用语法结构也较为丰富、准确，如首段中非谓语动词的使用，文末强调句型的使用等。

但该习作也存在许多欠缺之处，如：在第一段中，通过向别人借工具来解决问题不是最好的办法；段尾没有提到Mrs. Meredith一家与Bernard的沟通；在第二段中，缺少孩子们对 Bernard帮助的描述，孩子们分享收入使帮助变了味；由于本文是围绕Mrs. Meredith一家展开的，结尾处应再次提到这家人，尤其是点明三个孩子的体悟等。

依据评分标准，该习作可以评为第四档（16-20分），判为16分（未将书写分等纳入评分范围）。