06 读后续写:动作构造大法(PPT课件版)
展开Step1:精选动词,精准描述
练习:用方框内的单词完成下面的短文,注意使用正确的形式。tell ask call shut reply demand yell cry “Help me!” 1 (叫道) the wman. “I can’t swim.” A little girl ran t the side f the bat and lked int the water. “Just a minute,” she 2 (喊道) dwn the wman. “I’ll g and get sme help.” The girl ran twards tw men standing n the ther side f the bat.“Quick. Cme with me,” she 3 (要求道).
“What d yu want?” 4 (问道) ne f the men. “There’s a wman in the water and she can’t swim,” she 5 (喊道) pulling at the man’s sleeve. The tw men ran t the ther side f the bat. “I’m cming!” 6 (喊道) ne f the men and he jumped int the water. He swam quickly t the drwning wman and held nt her arm. “Stay still and I’ll pull yu back t the bat,” he 7 (对……说) her.
Step2:分解动作,形成动作链或者动作面
操作:动作描写之具象化:将动作细节到“怎么做到的”。练习:补充翻译具象描写的内容。1.概括描写:Mac打开车门坐了上去。(2017年浙江高考卷)Mac pened the car dr and went in.具象描写:麦克毫不犹豫地拉开车门跳进车里。________________________________________________________________________________
Mac pulled the car dr pen and jumped int the car withut any hesitatin.
2.概括描写:Jane站起身来,继续往前走。(2016年浙江高考卷)Jane std up and cntinued t walk frward.具象描写:Jane挣扎着站起来,用颤抖的双腿向前走。________________________________________________________________________________
Jane struggled t her feet and mved frward with her shaky legs.
Scene 1 跳水救人 (A cward)Henry jumped int the river and saved Rbert.
________ the screams, Henry________________the riverside, __________ his clthes and ___________ the water withut hesitatin. He ______ Rbert just as he was sinking the last time. By great effrt, and with much danger t himself, he ___________ Rbert t the shre.
ran/ dashed/ rushed t
brught/ dragged
Scene 2 荒野求救 (2016.10 浙江卷) During an adventure, Jane quarreled with her husband Tm and gt lst in the frest. Then, she tried her best t attract the attentin f the helicpter. Finally, she was saved and reunited with Tm. A few minutes later, anther helicpter flew verhead. Jane tk ff her yellw bluse, thinking that she shuld g t an pen area and flag them if they came back again. Suddenly, A mving dt(点) n the hrizn was sptted. 1. What wuld Jane d? 2. What wuld happen?list the actins and tell the rest stry.
Suddenly, A mving dt(点) n the hrizn was sptted. As it drew nearer, Jane saw it clearly. "The helicpter,"Jane murmured, sprang up and dashed t the center f an pen area. She waved her yellw bluse desperately t it and yelled at the helicpter with full-strength. T her great jy, this time she was sptted. Sn afterwards, the helicpter landed steadily n the grund and Tm jumped ut. The mment Tm's eyes fell upn her, Jane threw herself int his arms. "Hney, Never will I leave yu again. "Jane sbbed in tears. The reunited cuple hugged each ther tightly.
Tip 3: in+n.:in terrr/excitement/ shck/ srrw/ in a lw(weak/sweet) vicewith+情感名词:with delight/pleasure/excitement/satisfactin/anger/fearwith +身体部位:with its sharp eyes/ her shaky hand/her pale lipsadverbs: tightly/cheerfully/hpefully/helplessly/ desperately/fiercely(fight) vilently/swiftly
Suddenly, A mving dt(点) n the hrizn was sptted. Exhausted but hpeful, Jane jumped t her feet t catch a clear sight f it."The helicpter,"Jane murmured, sprang up and dashed t the center f an pen area, waving her yellw bluse desperately and yelling at the helicpter with excitement. This time she was sptted, which made her feel mre delighted. Eyes brimming with tears, Jane jumped ff the rck and rushed twards Tm like a flying arrw, hugging tightly in his arms, “please never leave me alne!"
Tip : Chse suitable grammar形容词作状语 (修饰句子主语)分词作状语(注意分词与逻辑主语的关系)定语从句独立主格(名词/代词 + ding/dne/ t d /n./adj./adv./介词短语)
The car abruptly stpped in frnt f him. Paul put dwn the windw and said,“Cme n, get in the car.”Then, Mac jumped ff the bicycle and gt int the car.“ What a narrw escape!” Mac added. The wlf walked arund the car, but just in vain. Finally, Mac was safe and expressed his gratitude t Paul.
Scene 3 骑行遇狼逃生 (2018.06 浙江卷)) Mac was cycling frm his hme t Alaska with his friends. His friends had t stp t make a bicycle repair, s he pedaled (骑行) alng alne. Suddenly, a wlf appeared, catching up with him. At this mment, Paul and Beeky were driving their car n their way t Alaska and saw the scene.1. Rewrite this paragraph by using what yu have learned.(specific verbs cherent actins suitable grammar )
The car abruptly stpped in frnt f him. Paul rlled dwn the windw and yelled,“Cme n, get in the car.”Frightened, Mac jumped ff the bicycle and dashed int the back seat f the car. “ What a narrw escape!” Mac sighed in a shaky vice. The wlf walked arund the car and hwled at them fiercely, but just in vain. Realizing the wlf culdn't catch up any mre, Mac sighed with relief and sank dwn t the back seat. Paul handed him a bttle f water and he managed a weak smile, murmuring smething like“Thank yu very much”.
Tip: Mre desn’t mean better.
Scene 4 火海救人 Tara, an 8-year-ld girl, was stuck in the firing huse. Surrel, her neighbr wh was 64 years ld, went int smke-filled huse searching but in vain. He ran utside t catch his breath. "Where is Tiara? "he asked desperately.“The secnd flr. "her aunt shuted back.1. Taking a deep breath, he went in a secnd time.______________________
The darkness was verwhelming. Running blindly, he finally made it t the secnd flr, where he was met by intense heat. Breathless and light-headed,"Baby girl, where are yu?"He cried desperately. All he culd hear was the ppping f burning wd. Then a sft but distinct man(n.呻吟) emerged. He quickly crawled twards the sund. Finally, he tuched smething. A she, then an ankle. He pulled Tiara tward him, hugged her tightly and brught her ut f the huse,ttally wrn ut.
Old Man Dnvan(人物) was a mean man wh hated children. He threw rcks at them and even sht at them with a shtgun. At least that's what we had heard. His small farm(地点) brdered ur neighbrhd where my yunger sister, Leigh Ann, and I lived when we were grwing up. His farm was lng, narrw, and quaint. It held tw treasures. One was his beautiful fruit. There were many varieties f fruit: pears, apples, and lts mre I just can't think f. The fruit naturally drew the children t his land. It made them int thieves. But my sister and I(人物) didn't dare t take his fruit because f the hrrible rumrs we had heard abut Old Man Dnvan.
Dnvan 这个老人讨厌孩子,对小孩子十分不友好
D有个farm在我家附近 他家水果好吃
水果种类的,很多孩子去偷水果,但是我和妹妹不敢偷
One summer day, we were playing in a nearby field. It was time t head back hme. My sister and I were feeling very daring that day. There was a shrt cut t ur huse that went thrugh the Dnvan farm. We thught he wuldn't be able t see us run acrss his prperty arund the luscius fruit trees. We were almst thrugh the farm when we heard, "Hey, girl!" in a gruff, lw vice. We stpped dead in ur tracks! There we were, face t face with Old Man Dnvan. Our knees were shaking. We had visins f rcks punding ur bdies and bullets piercing ur hearts. "Cme here, " he said, reaching up t ne f his apple trees. Still shaking, we went ver t him. He held ut several ripe, juicy, red apples. "Take these hme, " he cmmanded. We tk the apples with surprised hearts and ran all the way hme. Of curse, Leigh Ann and I ate the apples.
有一天我和妹妹偷偷地穿过D的farm要回家,突然被D叫住了,我和妹妹浑身发抖吓傻了。
令我们吃惊的是,他主动给我们水果吃。
As time went n, we ften went thrugh Old Man Dnvan's farm, and he kept n giving us mre luscius fruit.(事件) One day, we stpped by t see him when he was n his frnt prch. We talked t him fr hurs(事件). While he was talking, we realized that we had fund the ther hidden treasure: the sweet, kind heart hidden behind his gruff vice. Sn, he was ne f ur favrite peple t talk t. Unfrtunately, his family(人物) never seemed t enjy ur cmpany. They never smiled r welcmed us in.Paragraph 1:Every summer(时间), we wuld visit Mr. Dnvan and talk t him. Paragraph 2:The next winter(时间), wrd gt arund that Old Man Dnvan had died.
后来,我们之间的交往越来越多,我们意识到他的另一个宝藏是他的善良。但是,他的家人从来不对我们笑也不欢迎我们。
Paragraph 1:Every summer(时间), we wuld visit Mr. Dnvan and talk t him. 语言:聊天具体内容(双方分享自己的经历和生活)动作:给我和妹妹摘水果心理:我们和老人相处融洽,内心喜悦。他的家人态度转变。第一段还要引起下文(下文讲到老人冬天去世,所以该段要写到生病/意外等)
Paragraph 1:Every summer, we wuld visit Mr. Dnvan and talk t him. We shared with him ur clrful experience at schl while he kept giving ut his luscius fruits t us as usual. As time went by, we seemed t be mre a family than gd friends and his family gradually came t greet us with a warm smile. But ne summer, we were infrmed that he was seriusly ill and we were anxius and restless, feeling like sitting n pins and needles. The next day, we rushed straight t the hspital t see his health cnditin. Weak as he was, he cmfrted us that it wasn't a big deal. It was frm his family that we knew the truth. Old Man Dnvan had fell frm a tree while lking after the fruits and his head was seriusly hurt and need an peratin. The peratin might nt succeed and it was a gamble whether he wuld live r die.
Paragraph 2:The next winter(时间), wrd gt arund that Old Man Dnvan had died.心理:我和妹妹的态度和心情(不愿相信、难过)动作:去老人家中证实了老人去世的消息,给他家人安慰(可以语言也可以动作)环境:冬天、穿过farm看到果树——想到了老人(景语皆情语)总结全文 升华主题(想念老人/不要从别人的嘴中了解一个人)
Paragraph 2:The next winter, wrd gt arund that Old Man Dnvan had died. Hearing the bad news, my sister and I just culdn't believe it until we went back hme and saw his smiling face n the wall. I felt a lump in my thrat, tears welling up in my eyes. The family apprached and welcmed us. "I'm srry fr yur lss." I gave them a big hug. On my way back hme, the wind whistled thrugh the trees, as if murning fr the death f Dnvan. I realized gne were the days when we sat tgether chatting with each ther. I realized gne were the days when we were lucky enugh t have a taste f the luscius fruit grwn by him. Hwever, he left us a hidden treasure—his kindheart, which shall never die away with the passage f time.
1.动作描写走:She dragged her feet as she reluctantly fllwed her parents.她不情愿地跟在父母后面,磨磨蹭蹭地走着。She slipped ut f bed and tipted t the windw. 她溜下床,踮起脚尖走向窗户。The minin made a rush fr the dr and escaped frm the scene. 小黄人向门冲去,逃离了现场。看:The whle cmpany is gssiping abut the reasn fr his dismissal. 整个公司都在谈论他被免职的原因。He murmured against the strict rules f the reality shw. 他私下低声抱怨真人秀的严苛规则。 Treated s unfairly, she hwled in pain and anger. 被如此不公正地对待,她痛苦而又愤怒的嚎叫。
2. 心理描写兴奋:When the hst annunced that she wn the prize, her eyes twinkled with excitement.(激动得两眼放光)When the hst annunced that she wn the prize, her heart was thumping with excitement. (激动得心砰砰跳)When the hst annunced that she wn the prize, a wide excitement tk hld f her. (兴奋不能自已)悲伤:Upn hearing the bad news, her heart ached, tears streaming dwn her cheeks. (心痛,眼泪直流)Upn hearing the bad news, she, numb with grief, had truble speaking. (悲伤到失去知觉,不能开口说话)Upn hearing the bad news, she felt seized by a burst f sadness and culdn’t help crying bitterly.(被一股悲伤之感控制,忍不住哭泣)
害怕:She turned t me, with her eyes full f hrrr.她转过身来,眼里充满了恐惧。 Fear slwly creeps upn her.恐惧慢慢地蔓延到她身上。 She was struck with hrrr when...她感到恐惧…… She was chked by fear.她因恐惧而窒息。Her face turned pale and sat there tngue-tied.她脸色苍白地坐在那里,舌头打结。 A fld f fear welled up in her. / Fear flded ver her.他心中涌起一阵恐惧。 / 恐惧淹没了他。She shk all ver, feeling like sitting n pins and needles.她浑身颤抖,觉得如坐针毡。
3.环境:The sky is vercast, darkened with glmy cluds.(乌云密布;黑云压顶)On that dark and strmy night, the waves were crashing and the winds were hwling. (海浪肆意拍打;劲风咆哮) The rain came puring dwn, the streams rse, and the winds blew and beat against the huse. (暴风骤雨)1. When I was bathed in the sunlight, it felt like the amber-like sunshine was kissing every inch f my skin. (沐浴在阳光下;琥珀色的阳光亲吻着全身的肌肤)2. Mist-cvered muntains were dtted with small farms and villages. (点缀着)3. The sund f my ftsteps was accmpanied nly by the gracefully waving reeds. (优雅地随风飘扬的芦苇)
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